Things I’m Afraid To Tell You — Wave No. 2

After Jess’s Things I’m Afraid To Tell You post (and #2 and #3) that inspired Ez to start a movement, I had a feeling there were others that wanted to do the same, but of course — were afraid. How many of you have the post in drafts, but just can’t hit publish? For some reason, doing it in a group feels easier, like alright if everyone is going to air their secrets at the same time it makes me feel less insecure about mine. True, right? Thank goodness Jess has balls.

So I emailed a bunch of bloggers to see if they were game for another round of Things I’m Afraid To Tell You. I was delighted to see how many were not only game, but were excited about it.

See my Things I’m Afraid To Tell You, and the list of bloggers posting a Things I’m Afraid To Tell You post today after the jump!

Whew, here we go.

I had a few breakdowns last year.  Not hospital-level or anything, but I don’t really break down — and I definitely don’t tell people about it (except family and a few close friends). I’m a pretty have-it-together type of person. However, it’s been a rough few years, and last year took the cake. After moving to the suburbs of DC (in Virginia — which is lovely), however, my location was isolating. I tried finding the right job, that never happened. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to because what I really wanted to do was pursue my passions. Problem was I was so confused! I had lots of passions and I didn’t feel like I knew which ones to pursue. After months of extreme stress, not leaving my condo for days, and probably not showering either (ew!), I had several freak outs. Mostly just by myself, sometimes to my husband. Once I was in the middle of writing a cover letter for a job, and I physically just couldn’t type anymore and just started crying. There was lots of crying, not feeling like I could breathe, all of that stress/anxiety stuff. I finally had all of this time since I left my corporate job to pour into my dreams, but I was still trying to figure out which dreams to pour my time into. I would spend days flushing out an idea, writing a business plan for it, researching the industry, making lists of people to contact, talking to a few friends about it, and then realize that I didn’t really want to do it. I didn’t want it to be my “job”. I am finally out of my funk. We moved into the city, which makes it much easier for me to go to events, hang out with the friends I’ve made, and collaborate with others in the area. After a few months I started to realize the things that I really want to put my time into. I’m still figuring everything out, but it’s so much better. Be warned, going out on your own in any type of freelancing or business is really hard and stressful. It’s still hard and stressful for me, but it’s getting much much better.

I feel guilty when I take long hot showers. And I take long hot showers every day. I feel guilty because so many areas of the world don’t have the luxury of endless clean not-to-mention-hot water. But I still take long hot showers, and I love them.

I don’t have a coffee table. I haven’t had one since we moved to the east coast, so it’s been over a year. I literally have to set my drink on the floor if I want to sit on our old blue couch with a drink. Less than half of all my furniture and decor do I actually like or feel represents my style at this point. At 29, as a lifestyle blogger, this is just embarrassing to me. I’ve had to turn down many “home tours” because my place (even though I absolutely love my new place) what I have in it just doesn’t reflect my style. So why not go out and get a freaking coffee table!?! I shall remind you that I work for myself, and I just have to be more frugal. I’m also being super picky about it because there’s a good chance I’ll be stuck with it far longer than I thought I would be, so I want to make the right decision, about every piece of furniture and decor I invest in.

I don’t feel successful yet. My expectations for myself are high. HIGH high. It will take a lot for me to feel truly satisfied with the work I’ve done, paintings I’ve finished, projects I’ve accomplished, collaborations I’ve done, and I just thought I’d be a lot further along in my career by 29. Honestly, I really wanted to be featured in (OK the cover was the real goal) a national magazine by the time I was 30, and I’m counting down the months at this point. Anything from Inc. or Entrepreneur to Marie Claire or Lucky, I just wanted to have had created something amazing that warranted a feature like that. As someone that has been blogging for almost five years, it can be really hard sometimes (even though I am genuinely happy for them) to see some bloggers become crazy successful in less than a year or two. My family and friends tell me I don’t give myself enough credit for what I have done, or press I have gotten. I can admit that having a spread in The Washington Post was probably the coolest thing ever, but I just know that I’m capable of so much more, and I have so many ideas that it’s hard to enjoy anything for very long. I just don’t want to ever look back on this time in my life — a time where I choose what I do every day because I work for myself — and think, I could have and should have done more, worked harder, tried harder. I look back on last year and think that, so I don’t want to do it again. I’m determined not to. Here we are already almost half way through 2012… where does the time go!?! I feel like I’m working into the night most nights, and still have so much to get accomplished.

Adults who talk baby talk (to other adults and kids) really annoy me. That pretty much sums that up.

I’m agnostic. This is something I’ve never talked about because it is obviously such a sensitive subject for many people. Not to mention, I grew up going to Catholic schools, then I was a Christian, and now I’m agnostic. I’m sure you can imagine why I haven’t wanted to say this. Several reasons: I don’t want to lose readers over it. Also, I’m not trying to start a comment war or any type of discussion about the subject. I’m not looking to debate it or create any drama. I respect what anyone chooses to believe, but after really examining things for myself, I don’t believe in god. Nor do I expect that I ever will, unless he comes down from heaven (which I also don’t believe in) and reveals himself to me. And at that point, I would probably believe. But until then, I don’t. This isn’t a subject I plan to bring up frequently either, so don’t worry, I’m not writing a religion vs. non-religion blog here.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading. If you have done or do a Things I’m Afraid To Tell You Post, please leave a link to your exact post in the comments.
Bloggers Who Are Participating in Wave No.2:

Cassie: Coco + Kelley / Christine: Court & Hudson / Caitlin: Sacramento Street / Roxy: My Cup of Te / Crystal: Blog / Meg: MIMI+MEG / Ashlina: The Decorista / Katie: Modern Eve / Erin: Apartment 34 / Erica: Design Blahg / Victoria: Vmac & Cheese / Christine: Miles to Style / Franki: Life in a Venti Cup  / Sue: The Zhush / Erika: Radiant Republic / Gabrielle: Savvy Home / Monika: The Doctor’s Closet / Naomi: Design Manifest /Tobe: Because It’s Awesome / Becca: {extra}ordinary wonders / Lynzy: Sparkling Footsteps / Hitha: Hitha On The Go / Sarah: Note To Self / Liz: So Much To Smile About / Sarah: Blogstar / Alissa: The Goods Design / Jessie: Style & Pepper / Erika: Small Shop Studio  / AV: Long Distance Loving / Maggie: Maggie Rose Blog / Nicole: The City Girl In Me / Priscilla: The Best Laid Plans / Jen: Concrete Jungle DC / Janelle: Food Fashion Fitness / Natalie: East Coast Chic

Thanks again to Jess for her initial post, and to Ez for starting the movement. 

Here are the bloggers that participated in Ez’s Wave No. 1 of Things I’m Afraid To Tell You:

Design for Mankind | Little Brown Pen | Beautiful Hello | Curating Style | Sweet Fine Day | The Jealous Curator | Happy Days | Sage & Berries | Really Handmade | Peck Life | Satsuma Press | Rena Tom | For the Easily Distracted | The Hemborg Wife | Vitamini Handmade | Courtney Khail Stationery and Design | Meg in Progress | Dando Photography Blog | Widdershins22 | Alison Citron | Pink Moon Daily | Just Pretty Things | From China Village | Tea with Me | The Darling Ewe | Not Your Average Ordinary | The Electric Typewriter | Elleby Design | Parsimonia {Secondhand With Style} | Life as an Artistpreneur | Hello Cupcake | Dellie | The A & B Stories | Pretty Little Things | Feistyelle | Nib & Zed | Well and Cheaply | I Ripple. I Dance. | Whitfield Awesome Blog | Foxtrot Press | Dry As Toast | The List of Now | Apple Blue | For the Love of | Four Flights of Fancy | Miss Modish | Snapshots & Secrets | Dirty Laundry | Bubby & Bean | Penelope’s Press | Little Nostalgia | Vale Design | Pikaland | Fleurishing | Print Pretty | Vespa Tales | Hazel & Agnes | Amanda’s Musings | Mo’ Funk Designs | Ordinary Mommy | Camp 1899 | In Honor of Design | Liberty’s Yarn | Love, Life & Pictures | Stacey Winters | Owl in the Rain | Living Life Creatively | Emma Elizabeth Clease | I Live in Vacouver Now | British Cream Tea

Image via Ez